Boss fights are, generally speaking, serious business. You’ve made it to the end of the level, or maybe you’ve found a secret area, and you’re looking to take down a tough enemy and reap the rewards. There’s usually intense music, an intimidating foe, and dangerous attacks to dodge. But sometimes, it isn’t that serious. Instead, sometimes bosses get pretty derpy.
You can see more details below, but if you want the short version, here is our ranked list of the derpiest boss attacks:
Space Battleship Yarou – Head Laser (Cho Aniki)
X-ATM092 – Clash (Final Fantasy VIII)
Guardian Ape – Poop Toss (Sekiro)
Captain Cookie – Throw Food (World of Warcraft)
Godskin Noble – Roll Attack (Elden Ring)
Orphan of Kos – Placenta Sword (Bloodborne)
6 – Orphan of Kos’ Placentword Swingin’
The first of many FromSoft bosses on this list, Bloodborne’s Orphan of Kos is generally scarier than it is derpy. Yet, there’s something about wielding a placenta as a weapon that feels, well, silly as heck. Gross, yes, but also silly. Smacking a Hunter to death with your placenta might be effective, but it isn’t really all that intimidating.
5 – Godskin Noble’s Roll Attack
Next up is another grey/white/black FromSoft enemy, this time from their latest title, Elden Ring. The Godskin Noble is a notorious boss, mostly because he shows up with his buddy the Godskin Apostle in a duo boss fight. He has a couple of attacks where he expands his already impressive figure, then leaps in the air — one variant seems him leaping high and landing hard, while the other has him roll at you. A big fat boss rolling on its side towards you is already pretty derpy, but the fact that you can easily stand behind a column and have the Godskin Noble roll into it makes it even funnier.
4 – Guardian Ape’s Feces Flinging
We’re on a roll with black, white, and grey FromSoft bosses that do something silly. A coincidence? Unlikely. In any case, watching an otherwise terrifying and deadly boss slowly reach behind itself, only to reveal not a weapon, but a gigantic lump of ape poop, is funny — right up until it kills you from the poison status effect build up.
He also has a fart attack, naturally
3 – Captain Cookie’s Food Flinging
Whether or not murlocs are cute is up for debate, but there’s no doubt that Captain Cookie is a derpy boss. When the boss fight begins, he hops into his pot, and begins throwing food at everyone. Some of the food he throws is apparently delicious, but much of it is rotten. The idea of a serious party of adventurers dodging rotten food flung by a murloc pirate captain chilling in a pot is pretty derpy as far as we’re concerned.
We’d include an actual screenshot or GIF of the attack, but it’s pretty impossible to tell what’s going on in WoW boss fights without a PhD in Raiding
2 – X-ATM092’s Eye Poke
Final Fantasy VIII has a lot of goofy stuff, from the other boss attack on the list, to literal hockey players as enemies. One of our favorites, however, is the giant robot X-ATM092’s eye poke ability. While it might technically be called “Clash”, we think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on. The fact that it has this serious build up, with a little hop and an intimidating ground slam, only for the move to be a dainty poke, cracks us up every time we see it.
1 – Space Battleship Yarou – Head Laser (Cho Aniki)
The full title of the PS1 version of Cho Aniki is Cho Aniki – Kyuukyoku Muteki Ginga Saikyou Otoko, which apparently translates to Super Big Brother – The Ultimate, Most Powerful Man in the Milky Way. Most of the bosses could end up on this list, but we settled for the guy who shoots a giant laser beam out of his head, for what we hope are obvious reasons.
Have a derpy boss attack suggestion for the list? Let us know in the comments!
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DanielD
Unabashed FromSoftware fanboy still learning to take his time with games (and everything else, really). The time he doesn't spend on games is spent on music, books, or occasionally going outside.
